Invisible illness. The elephant in the room. Have you ever seen someone park in a handicapped parking spot and think to yourself, “Nah! They can’t be serious! I’m going to take a picture and post it online. They looking fine!” Did you ever stop to consider that while they look entirely healthy, something could still be wrong? There may be a reason why that person is parking there.
My name is Charlotte Christian and I have suffered with - for lack of a better word - an invisible /chronic illness for the past two and a half years. An invisible illness means you can’t tell by looking at a person that they are sick. It doesn't always affect the way a person looks on the outside but rather what’s happening on the inside.
I have something called Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia along with Supra-Ventricular Tachycardia. All big words really, but it just means I have a chronic arrhythmia or an irregular heartbeat. Tachycardia means an abnormally rapid heart rate. My case is somewhat different in that I don’t experience episodes. My heart beats rapidly ALL THE TIME, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
I also don’t respond to the typical treatments for this condition. Cardiac ablation, cardioversion, drug therapy - you name it, I’ve tried it...several times. My heart rate is always above a normal resting rate. My heart works overtime all day - working to pump blood around my body, working to keep me breathing and functioning ‘normally’ (however, my normal is not so normal). Think about what your heart is doing while you exercise and how fast it’s beating, sometimes it may even feel like it’s pounding right out of your chest. My rhythm is like that probably about 160 hours out of a 168-hour week. My symptoms are debilitating at best and it makes it incredibly hard to live life like an average 25-year-old. The longer my heart stays in this rhythm, the harder it is for my body to pump blood efficiently. The more stress and strain that is put on my heart, the harder and harder it is for me to live a ‘normal’ life. Although I battle physical symptoms every single day, one of the biggest challenges I face is the fact that I look fine, physically. My appearance does NOT accurately depict my illness.
There are several diseases that fall under the umbrella of invisible illness and the fact is, there’s far too little awareness when it comes to them. Lupus, diabetes, Rheumatoid arthritis, digestive disorders, depression, mental illness and heart conditions can all fall under the invisible illness umbrella. I’m so tired of having to explain and advocate for myself. How could I be sick, when I look so good? I often feel like I have to keep proving that I am really sick. As someone who lives with an invisible illness, I find myself constantly trying to battle other people’s expectations and opinions.
Overall living with this debilitating illness has made me a better person: My experience has opened my eyes to so much and I feel myself becoming more empathetic and caring as the days go by, but I wish so much suffering wasn’t involved. Chronic illnesses aren’t straightforward and the fact that some are invisible, doesn’t make them any easier for others to understand. It must be hard for those closest to the ones suffering, seeing them looking like a mess, popping pills, endless tears and questions, barely able to function one day, then the next day fighting to do everyday activities. Let me tell you, it’s all a façade. Fake emotions are always plastered on our faces so that we can fit in and feel the least bit normal, even if it isn’t our own normal.
Earlier this year, I decided I was fed up, I didn’t want to do it anymore. Pretending to be fine takes up precious energy that I no longer possess, especially when I’m facing what feels like a thousand other struggles. I took to putting my feelings down on paper and ended up starting a blog earlier this year (https://www.thecharlottesweb.com) to tell my story and help raise awareness for those suffering with invisible illnesses. It has made me feel extremely vulnerable and downright scared on most days, but I’ve suffered in silence for way too long and it’s time my story be told. The point is, by simply keeping an open mind, listening and withholding judgment, everyone can help make the daily lives of those living with invisible illnesses a bit easier. I want to help others who are suffering daily, like myself, feel less alone because I know how easy it is to feel frustrated, fed up and downright lonely. It isn’t fair. Spreading awareness about invisible illnesses, is the only way to create a more accepting, understanding world with medical and social validation for those who suffer.