There’s no ‘I’ in team.
This saying takes a whole new meaning when you’re a caregiver. When caring for an older adult, the level and quality of care needed makes all the difference to the betterment of the caree. That is why, caregiver family meetings are so important.
Hosting a family meeting can be very stressful to the caregiver. There are so many people who are not directly involved in the day-to-day caring process and some may not understand or be able to grasp how severe the situation is, or how severe it is going to get. Many differing personalities come together to form what is supposed to be a united front for the betterment of the caree, but this is not always the result.
For any successful meeting, you need to plan, prepare, strategise and most importantly, know how to deal with the difficult persons in the room. Do not just wake up in the morning and say, “Today I am going to call a family meeting” —trust me, your meeting will be doomed to fail. Take your time, get your information together, which includes: all information and medical reports from the doctor, all the medications and a of list the observations of the caree. List your role and yes, do a detailed schedule of what your day is like, hour by hour, minute by minute, the whole nine yards. Trust me, you are going to do what seems like a tedious task but is critical information.
You are now all set, so where do we start?
Who should attend this meeting?
The persons attending should be part of the caregiving team. That can be family, friends, extended family, paid caregivers.
Be mindful of the topics to be discussed. If you are speaking about finances, then it should just be the immediate family. If you are putting together a schedule of tasks to be performed and who is responsible, then it can be the full team, with as many persons included in the meeting. “Why?” you ask. If you only invite five persons and ask who can help with the cooking, only one person can assist, which leaves you back to square one. Make sure you have a full group from which to choose.
You may not want the person you are caring for, present at the meeting. Sometimes it is easier for persons to express their feelings or concerns without the caree there to hear it all. You also don’t want the caree to feel like a burden because you have to pull this group together to help provide care.
How to begin?
Firstly, prepare an agenda and send out via WhatsApp or email. If you are able to print a few copies then that would be great. Send it out at least a week prior to the meeting, so that everyone has the time to go over it and be ready with their questions, solutions or concerns. You have now removed the element of surprise and there should be no excuses for not attending.
Where to have the meeting?
Ideally the meeting will probably be done at the home of the caree. If not, then probably at another family or friend’s home. Avoid distractions and noisy areas and make sure it’s a private space where everyone can speak freely. You have your agenda and you can start asking persons what their take is on each topic as you go around the room.
Do not jump into the problem solving right away as many persons may have issues of which you are not aware. For example, your brother may have serious issues seeing your mom in such a condition.
Use respectful language, and remember emotions are high all around. When expressing yourself state clearly what you mean. For example, “I feel like I have to balance the cooking, cleaning and caring for mom.” Don’t say, “No one comes to help me do anything.” Take your time and express how you are feeling and the challenges you are facing.
Ensure that agreements and responsibilities are clear. Before ending the meeting, reiterate what was discussed and ensure that everyone understands what was decided upon. If tasks or responsibilities were assigned, make sure that the person(s) is/are very clear on what was agreed upon. You can write everything down in a book and take a picture and send out via WhatsApp or email.
Regular meetings are very important, as most concerns cannot be solved in one meeting. Set timelines to address the main issues and also, set a fixed date and time for the meetings, so there are no excuses. The purpose of the meeting is always in the best interest of the caree. Plus, it is a good way for everyone to stay in the know.
Potential challenges will always be there. Each person has different coping methods and it is difficult for those who are in denial, especially when discussing the illness, decline in health or death. Keep the meetings focused on the topic at hand and if things start to go off track, remind everyone about the purpose of the meeting.
It may sometimes seem like the meetings are moving along slowly and nothing is being achieved. This is perfectly normal. These meetings are a work in progress. Try to find creative ways for everyone to be involved. For example, your sister doesn’t know how to handle mom as her Alzheimer’s progresses, but, she is happy to assist in picking up the groceries. Let her do what she is comfortable with. Remember, everyone deals with things differently and you want to find a mutual ground for everyone involved, which works in the best interest of the caree.
Caregiving Schedule. Now you have persons involved in the caring process. Tasks and responsibilities have been assigned. You can do a schedule so that everyone is on the same page. Be flexible, be understanding and be patient.
Are you a Family Caregiver? Or were you a Family Caregiver? ALL are welcomed.
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Send comments to email ashamungal@gmail.com Or WhatsApp 310-2742.
Asha Mungal
Asha Mungal is the sole family caregiver for her mom, whilst simultaneously being a one woman show balancing her business Care Safety Solutions Limited. Her goal is to provide solutions for personal safety to the citizens of Trinidad & Tobago and by extension the Caribbean. She has a passion for life and believes that every moment should be lived to the fullest and, every person should never let a day go by without learning something new, no matter how small it may be.