Here we go again. Well-placed citizens of this country, who do things to hurt, denigrate and create divisiveness, saying to all of us citizens: "I stand by everything I do" and "I stand by everything I say." These two sentences shut down any attempts at working together for the good of us all.
Then my mind went to the penal institutions filled with those of our citizens who "stood by everything they did" because they got so angry, frustrated and were driven to murder and banditry, that there was no room for mediation.
The Mediation Board of T&T had better pack up shop. Those who became certified meditators will now have no mediation issues to mediate, because citizens who need mediators to help them work through the conflicts in families and communities will be cussin' and damaging those with whom they are in conflict because they "stand by everything they say and do, and not even that dog had better bark."
On the other hand, we have our Prime Minister calling for us to become a national family, in which we will begin to look out for each other. We have the police asking all of us to help and report anything unusual that we see. The Counter-Trafficking Unit is saying to us "See it. Report it. Stop it." I shudder to think what the streets of this country would be with everyone telling everyone else, "Go to hell" and "mind your own business."
Some years ago, 800-TIPS did a copy book, with two eyes on the cover and the words: "If everyone is watching, criminals can't hide." With everyone minding their own business and going to hell, again I shudder and ask, "Who will be ruling the streets?"
Obviously, with all these divisive statements flying around, our vulnerable citizens will be prone to taking up the call for us all to "Mind your own business." and "Go to hell." There is no room for dialogue, for agreeing to disagree.
I am reminded of people who attend churches, mosques, temples and other houses of worship, who say, leave the prayers and piety for inside the church and when they exit the building, they do not speak to their neighbours, their neighbour is in trouble and they close their doors and windows.
They pass in their cars and leave an elderly or blind person who just left the church with them to go and stand in the hot sun to wait for a maxi, and they are both going in the same direction and saying everybody could go to hell. Everybody will be minding their own business.
What will we now be teaching our children in schools? Bullies can say "I stand by everything I do" and not be open to understanding the need for a behaviour change so that we can co-exist in peace and harmony. Yes, there is freedom of speech enshrined in our constitution, it is a right, but with this right comes responsibilities.
All of this divisiveness begs for a redefinition of "family." We need to widen the circle and begin to think out of that box in which our definition of "family" keeps us imprisoned. "Community as family" is by no means a new concept. It is one in which all our citizens, no matter our history, have been nurtured. It takes a village.
I dare to say that "Mind your own business" and Go to hell" were not sentences that were uttered by our ancestors. As early as 1997, I attempted to redefine "family" because I saw the alienation, sadness and felt the anger of young people who attended our then Senior Comprehensive schools. Many were abandoned and had to bring themselves up, depending on the neighbours and "community leaders" for their survival.
It was here that I observed those young people who were brought into this world merely because their parents had the biology and the opportunity. Here I met children who could not have a relationship with their fathers because he also had children with many other mothers and had to hide to even acknowledge his children. At that time, and even now, we are still "barking up the tree" of getting men back into the home. I ask the question: "Into which home do we want that man, with many children of many mothers, to go?" I am sure that many such mothers have heard "Go to hell."
I redefined "family" as "a group of people working together, to build positive and self-confident individuals, who exhibit care for each other, and who contribute in their turn to the building of healthy relationships. The environment of "the family" must be non-judgmental, empathic and genuine with unconditional positive regard as an essential ingredient for a successful family life." This is our "community as family."
It is my opinion that this is what we all want. We want the communities in which we live to look after us, to treat us with dignity and respect, because we all walking this sacred space that is T&T and continue to be nurtured by its fruitful soil and diversity. Could this become the foundation of our "health and family life" curriculum in our schools? I am the eternal optimist.
Anna Maria Mora