How to engage with friends with autistic children:
1. Don't judge/assume
So you see a child in the middle of the supermarket throwing a tantrum? Could it be just a spoiled child wanting his/her way? Yes. Could it be an autistic child having a sensory meltdown?
Yes. Give them the benefit of the doubt, because regardless of who they are they need your help, not your judgment.
2. "Don't you think you should..."
Trust me, you don't know what it is like. You might think you know what it is like but you don't. Parents of children under the spectrum research and try different methods on a daily basis and even though we know most of you have the best of intentions, the methods we use with our children are different than the ones you use with neuro-typical children so please don't be offended if we do not follow your advice.
3. Write some encouraging words to a parent of an autistic child.
It doesn't have to be long or laborious. Just a simple, caring note can make their day. Whatever you write, never say things like "Oh, I feel so sorry for you..."
4. If you have children, please invite an autistic child to play dates and birthdays.
A lot of autistic children live isolated lives because other children and their parents isolate them. Please teach your children about including those who are perceived as different because we are all different in our own way, but make sure they understand that even though our children with autism need empathy, they do not need sympathy. If they get to know an autistic child, they will know how wonderful and intelligent they are. They just need extra patience and a little consideration.
5. Listen and be a friend.
Sometimes, all we need to do as parents is to rant a little and share how we feel.
6. Help others understand that Autism is a neurological condition and our children are as smart as the rest, they just learn differently and they have trouble in social settings.
Just think about an autistic person as a foreigner coming to a new land, trying to adapt to their new environment, learning a new language and culture.
7. Please do not use the word "retarded" or "special" when you are attempting to describe a situation, insult others or make fun of your friends.
It doesn't matter whether or not you mean it in that way but it is both hurtful and demeaning and an insult for children with special needs.
8. If you see me with my children, please talk to them.
Do not ask questions about them in front of them. You do not need to feel awkward. I can help you communicate with them if they are unable to reply. Do not pretend they are not there or that they are deaf and you have to speak louder or that they cannot understand. Please, don't assume. Just try.
9. If you meet someone with autism, you just met one person with autism. The spectrum is huge and just because our children might not display the same behavior than the one you met, doesn't mean they are not autistic so saying they do not "Look" Autistic, doesn't help. Help by learning about autism and teaching others about it.
10. Let others know that Autism Awareness Month is a daily, 24/7 occurrence for a large group of dedicated parents all around the world who work, fight, cry and even beg to provide the therapy their children need to help them reach their full potential. In Trinidad specifically, they are fighting stigma, ignorance and lack of resources.
If you want to help and you mean it, just ask.
Tips provided by M Borde.
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