As the say­ing goes “the on­ly con­stant is change”. Even though change is in­evitable, it does not make it any eas­i­er for us to ac­cept. Big changes such as a di­vorce, death of a loved one or loss of a job can be dif­fi­cult for many adults to cope with. These changes are es­pe­cial­ly dif­fi­cult for our chil­dren whose young brains are still de­vel­op­ing. While they may not be able to ex­press ver­bal­ly that they are hav­ing dif­fi­cul­ty with a change, you may be able to rec­og­nize it by their re­ac­tions and changes in emo­tions.

The covid-19 pan­dem­ic has caused many big changes for chil­dren in a short pe­ri­od of time. They are no longer in school with their friends, un­able to vis­it fam­i­ly mem­bers or par­tic­i­pate in their usu­al ac­tiv­i­ties. They are al­so not im­mune to the chal­lenges the adults in the fam­i­ly may be fac­ing such as a loss of in­come or anx­i­ety around the virus. As par­ents go back to work, some chil­dren may ex­pe­ri­ence sep­a­ra­tion anx­i­ety, as they have got­ten ac­cus­tomed to hav­ing their par­ents around. And at some point they will have an­oth­er ma­jor change as they go back to their phys­i­cal class­rooms, like­ly with ad­di­tion­al safe­ty pro­to­cols.

It may not al­ways seem like it, but chil­dren thrive on rou­tine and these changes can be very un­set­tling on their minds and emo­tions. Here are a few tips to help your chil­dren to deal with big changes.

Talk to them

Of­ten­times our chil­dren are the last ones to know about ma­jor de­ci­sions that im­pact their lives. While we may have had time to think through and come to terms with a change, we some­times do not con­sid­er that our child may need to go through the same process. Where pos­si­ble, give your chil­dren fair warn­ing about an im­pend­ing change so they can wrap their lit­tle minds around it.

Your child al­so takes cues from you. So it is im­por­tant to be mind­ful about how the change is com­mu­ni­cat­ed. Try to fo­cus on the pos­i­tives of the change and ul­ti­mate­ly let them know that you are still there to love and sup­port them through it, no mat­ter how dif­fi­cult it may seem.

Lis­ten to their feed­back

While they may not be able to change the out­come, it is still im­por­tant for your chil­dren to feel heard. Ask them ques­tions so you can un­der­stand what they may be con­cerned about. Al­low them to ex­press their thoughts and val­i­date their feel­ings. Where pos­si­ble, in­vite them to con­tribute ideas to so­lu­tions or of­fer them choic­es so they can feel like their con­cerns are be­ing met.

Keep a rou­tine

Even if it seems as if every­thing has been turned up­side down, it helps to keep as much the same as pos­si­ble. Things like your morn­ing and bed­time rou­tines cre­ate the feel­ing of con­sis­ten­cy are es­pe­cial­ly im­por­tant dur­ing a big change. And be­cause they are pre­dictable, your chil­dren will feel like they have some sense of con­trol over one as­pect of their lives. You can al­so use the change to cre­ate new rou­tines, for ex­am­ple spend­ing some time in prayer in the morn­ing as a fam­i­ly be­fore you head back out to work or leav­ing lit­tle notes on their door if you leave be­fore they wake up.

Al­low their feel­ings

Big change can mean big emo­tions. As the stress hor­mones cir­cu­late in your child’s body you may see mood­i­ness, de­fi­ance, ag­gres­sion, sad­ness or with­draw­al. This cre­ates a great op­por­tu­ni­ty to prac­tice tools to man­age those big emo­tions. Jour­nal­ing is a great prac­tice for chil­dren and adults to process their emo­tions. Younger chil­dren can use draw­ings in­stead of words to show how they are feel­ing.

Be pa­tient. Con­nec­tion

Just like the process of grief, it may take some time for your child to be­come com­fort­able with a ma­jor change. Be pa­tient with them and cre­ate more op­por­tu­ni­ties for con­nec­tion so that your child feels loved and safe. It may take many con­ver­sa­tions, lots of role-play­ing and just the pas­sage of time. But this too shall pass.

We live in a con­stant­ly evolv­ing world. If our chil­dren de­vel­op the tools to deal with change at a young age, it will help to build their re­silience and pre­pare them to deal with the chal­lenges they will face in the fu­ture.