Tricia St John
A queen bee, according to Wikipedia, is typically an adult, mated female that lives in a colony or hive of honey bees. With fully developed reproductive organs, the queen is usually the mother of most, if not all, of the bees in the beehive.
She is the star of the hive because of her egg-laying abilities, but she is controlled by an overall puppet master—the collection of worker bees. The word queen makes me think of royalty. A leader. Purpose. Someone who has her people’s best interests at heart. Much like the queen bee, she is the star of her kingdom, but the difference lies more in her ability to lead than in her ability to reproduce.
In a sense, she is also controlled by an overall puppet master—the needs of her people. The nickname “Queen Bee” means a woman who dominates or leads a group, usually in a social activity.
Recently, I was talking to a guy who admitted to being in relationships with multiple women but considered one of them to be the one he favoured most. He referred to her as the queen bee, and I got the impression that he would drop everything and marry her if he could.
I didn’t understand why he would think that she would be willing to legally saddle herself with multiple bedmates.
According to him, she was aware that he had other relationships and accepted the fact that he was not entirely hers. Every so often they would argue about or discuss his lifestyle, he admitted, but even to me, he sounded as though he was too comfortable with his lifestyle to make any immediate changes.
After that conversation, I decided to do a survey. I chose two of my friends, one policeman and a coast guard, and I also asked two random men on the streets, who, luckily for me, were quite willing to help me out with my questions.
First, I talked to Anthony; he is the policeman. He was happily married and considered his wife to be his queen bee, as he said he made sure to cater to her every need. His exact words were, “What wifey wants, wifey gets!”
He had two outside relationships. One he considered serious, as they hooked up regularly and he helped her with rent and groceries. The other was an ex who he hooked up with off and on when she called, and he willingly obliged as she was single and lived alone.
Samuel is a coast guard. He said he was single, but according to him, he had a few women he slept with, but none that he was particularly serious about. He admitted that he never thought about labels, but if he had to designate, then the one he visited the most and occasionally went out with would be his queen bee.
He said he hung out with her the most because she always took care of him, did his laundry, and made sure he had lunch on Mondays and Tuesdays, whether or not he had to work.
Random guy #1 admitted to having a girlfriend and one outside relationship. He said his girlfriend was bossy and nagging, but she took good care of him, so he stayed. The woman in the outside relationship is the one he considers his queen bee because she does whatever he wants whenever he wants and makes herself available whenever he calls.
He considered himself lucky and said the softness of the outside relationship balanced the harshness of his girlfriend’s constant nagging and criticism. He admitted that he could acknowledge that his behaviour would be considered wrong by most, but he was comfortable with himself and his choices.
Random guy #2 said he was married with no outside relationships. He said he’d never cheated, but to him, it wasn’t that he was looking or that he would love his wife any less if it did happen; he just hadn’t yet come across anyone worth the effort.
He was adamant that his mother was his queen bee. He reasoned that she had nurtured him from birth and would still do anything for him even though he was, according to him, happily married. His mother, he said, was the only person who knew all his financial business, and although he’d been married for five years, her name was still listed as a beneficiary on all his documents.
People have people in their lives for different reasons; I get that. Sometimes we hold on to relationships because the other person makes us feel safe, caters to our needs, or encourages us to be our best selves, which generates happiness, makes us more relaxed, and also makes us more comfortable with ourselves. And that’s okay. We each have to live our truths.
But if you consider someone enough to consider them your queen bee, why not behave in a manner that would enhance the status you’ve bestowed upon them? I discovered that some women fight for the title, the right to be queen bees. To be considered the most preferred. Maybe even the most loved. But men, if your queen bee does not inspire you to do better, to be a better person, if she doesn’t inspire loyalty to her, then she may as well have a seat among the worker bees and give you back that imaginary crown that really isn’t worth anything more than heartache, worry, and stress.
