For much of my adult life, I wore a mask. It was polished, capable and convincing. I could enter a room smiling even when I was quietly crumbling inside. No one knew because I had become skilled at showing people the version of me they expected to see.
The mask was formed earlier. Growing up in a Caribbean household, I learned to push through hurt, disappointment and anxiety. Although I was opinionated and expressive, I did not always feel free to reveal my emotions. I also felt expected to perfect my schoolwork, excel in extracurricular activities and make the adults around me proud. Achievement brought affirmation, so I became good at achieving; and hiding when I was overwhelmed.
The accomplished child became the capable woman: dependable, strong and rarely allowing the cracks to show. My mask was not intended to deceive. It protected me from judgment and vulnerability, but it also kept others from fully knowing me and, at times, kept me from knowing myself.
When I listen to Charlene’s “I’ve Never Been to Me” now, I understand it differently. We can travel far, accomplish much and become everything to everyone, yet still remain strangers to ourselves.
It was later in life, with the guidance of a therapist, and me doing the work consistently to remove my mask, one honest choice at a time. I learned that strength does not require silence and love should not depend upon perfection.
I want younger women to discover this freedom sooner than I did. Do not spend decades performing for family, friends or strangers on social media. Give yourself permission to be honest, to rest, to ask for help and to be fully yourself. The sooner you remove the mask, the more years you will have to live freely.
Living well on purpose demands that we stop performing a life and begin inhabiting our own.
