Matthew Chin
Reporter
matthew.chin@guardian.co.tt
Twelve years ago, Marlon Bascombe was barred from seeing his then 11-month-old son, De’Marlo, at the San Fernando General Hospital. Refusing to leave until he could see his sickly son, who had been experiencing a high fever, led to his arrest by the police. He was later released.
Following the backlash from the arrest, Bascombe claimed the searing event as gender discrimination, which acted as the “catalyst” for him joining the Caribbean Male Action Network (CariMAN), a regional network started in 2006 that, according to its website, brings together individuals and organisations to work “on transforming masculinities and engaging men and boys to promote gender equality,” (https://cariman.org/).
“People tend to treat men as second-class parents or as not being capable,” Bascombe said. He believes that men are committed and capable. But he admitting that men do face challenges. Bascombe said as a father he struggles to help his children with their mathematics homework.
He reaffirmed, however, that being by their side is the most important thing that he could do. “It is important as a man just to be present. One of the challenges I have right now as a father is the schoolwork I do with my boys. You would think that as a man who has degrees, something happens,” Bascombe laughed.
“I watched that SEA Maths and I was like, ‘Nah, I can’t make it.’ But the ability to actually help with the work is not the important thing, your presence is the important thing.”
While Father’s Day is often seen as the day of the year where fathers are cherished for the love and sacrifices they have given their families, for Bascombe, there is a recurring trend that he has found problematic when the day comes around.
“As a society, every Father’s Day we have the same problem, where you want to call on men to be fathers, call on men to be providers—that ain’t right. We shouldn’t have these barriers in place preventing men who want to be positive role models,” Bascombe said.
One of these barriers is paternity leave, in which T&T’s public sector allocates only four days for new fathers to bond with their babies. Bascombe simply described this practice as “madness”.
“There is no other policy or anything anywhere ... I had to use my vacation to run away with my boys. Meanwhile, maternity leave was increased, which is beautiful, but there’s nothing for paternity leave because society still does not recognise it as important,” Bascombe said.
Ensuring his sons will be prepared for adulthood and living life fully as men in T&T, Bascombe cited acts of love and having a high respect for women as integral parts of how they are raised. “Expressions of love and caring are the norm in my house. They also see how I treat with their mom, their grandmothers, and every woman in terms of courtesy and respect. There is a rule in the house that disrespecting their mother is a thing they will never be allowed to do,” Bascombe said.
For fathers, single or married, he recommends some important tips:
1. Time: “Spend time with your family, with your children.”
2. Discipline: “Discipline your child with love, in a calm and fair manner.”
3. Be present: “Be a part of those key events. For example, my older son graduated from Scouts. I was there. Whatever it is, I’m there.”
4. Mothers: “The child needs to see your relationship with their mother, whether you’re together with her or not. Be that father from pregnancy. Show up. Children watch every move that you make.”
Marlon Bascombe served two terms as a member of CariMAN’s regional executive. In 2020, he represented the organisation at the OECD’s First Expert Group Meeting (EGM) on Masculinities in Paris. He remains one of the organisation’s long-standing members and spent six years working as a Manager (Ag) at the Children’s Authority. He is married to Desiree Modeste-Bascombe who he has two sons: eight-year-old, De’Marius Bascombe; and 13-year-old, De’Marlo Bascombe.
