The way we think, develop, relate to others and handle challenges is critical to good mental health and are components of our human experience that can be learned, unlearned, and adapted.
In an effort to promote mental health awareness and prompt children and teens to seek help for mental health issues, we must prevent children and teens from feeling guilty or ashamed when they are struggling (with such issues). What they believe about themselves and how they view the world are significant factors in both the development and recovery from anxiety, depression, stress, chaotic relationships and many other issues.
Depression and anxiety in teenagers are very real and destructive when left alone, but treatment that focuses on building the individual’s confidence and skills is very successful. Parents need to start promoting healthy changes in thinking, acting, decision-making, and connecting (with their teens), which are critical to the treatment of these problems. You see, untreated anxiety disorder in a child is one of the top predictors of developing depression as a teen or young adult—a fact of which most parents are unaware. Since anxiety is the chief mental health complaint of young people, it’s not surprising that the rate of depression in teens is increasing.
The challenges of social life and increased academic pressures push teens toward new experiences and responsibilities, along with hesitation and insecurity. Specific learning difficulties can surface as students take on more complicated tasks or have to speak up in class. Sports become more demanding, and hormones can wreak havoc with appearance. Whether social, intellectual or physical, anything can serve as a source of worry.
Teens are caught between wanting to achieve and being afraid of failing and wanting to belong and fearing rejection. To make matters worse, teens are developmentally more likely to reject adult input as they strive to be independent and find their own answers. At the time when they are faced with huge changes, like, graduating from secondary school, waiting to hear results or deciding on a career path, your advice and desire to help are met with resistance.
It is this desire for certainty that allows anxiety to grab your teen and hold on tight. Added to that, is a conflicting desire to be a part of a complicated and uncertain, social world. It’s no wonder that the withdrawal, hopelessness, and sadness of depression can take hold. This means that helping children and teens understand and normalise the challenges of relationships, problem solving, disappointment, and uncertainty is critical for prevention and recovery.
Most anxious teens get trapped by the following:
Everything must—and can—be done perfectly (also known as all or nothing thinking) - “If one thing goes wrong, everything will fall apart and I won’t be successful in life.” “There is ONE PATH to a successful life. I have to find it or stay on it, no matter what!”
This way of thinking creates anxiety and stress in teens. So what can you do, as a parent, to help? You can start by paying attention to how you and your family handle failure and mistakes.
As parents, your own relationship with anxiety and uncertainty and how you show this to your child significantly impacts how he/she sees the world. Teens also need to hear that they aren’t expected to know everything, and that they can’t see into the future. Flexibility is key, and this means knowing when to push harder and when to be satisfied with a less-than-perfect result. As you see your teen becoming anxious, look for opportunities to let them know that this is a time of uncertainty, but you have confidence in his/her ability to problem solve along the way. So, start by backing off from giving lectures and letting your teen know that you are there to support him/her as he/she makes choices.
Finally, teens need to hear that they are supposed to be anxious. Expecting to be calm and relaxed during such a time of change is unrealistic. In fact, moving toward the anxiety and learning how to manage it is the ultimate skill.
Allow them to express what they are feeling but then support taking action and courageously moving into uncertainty. Equip your teen with valuable skills by modelling and supporting a more flexible, and independent path into adulthood.
With the rising rate of depression and anxiety in teens, we need to start paying attention to the power and (in)accuracy of our language about change, “brains”, and the future of our children’s mental health. Help them to step back from their rigid expectations and permanent mindset, and instead support them through this time of struggle, discomfort, discovery, and growth with the language of change, possibility, and movement.
Most importantly, stay connected to your teens, even when they are being clear about how annoying you are. Small gestures go a long way: offer a compliment, ask a question or two that conveys genuine interest, and be that steady stream of messages that let them know you are there when needed as they trip, fall, regroup and find their path.