Most adults seem to be­lieve that teenagers don’t go through, or should have, any stress. They might say, “They have a roof over their heads,” or, “They don’t have to go out to work every­day, so why should they be stressed?” Let me share a lit­tle se­cret with you...(*cue a whis­per­ing voice*) some­times they are!

Is your teen of­ten flus­tered, ir­ri­ta­ble or com­plete­ly ex­haust­ed? Is he or she hes­i­tant to go to school or of­ten feel sick due to wor­ry? Are they anx­ious when you talk about what’s to come in the fu­ture, like ca­reer plans? Do they burn them­selves out by com­mit­ting to too many so­cial or school-re­lat­ed ac­tiv­i­ties? Feel­ing some lev­el of stress is nor­mal, but if your child is con­stant­ly tense or los­ing sleep, it’s time to do some­thing. Here’s how you can help to al­le­vi­ate stress in chil­dren and teens.

In our so­ci­ety, I have come to re­alise that most chil­dren aren’t al­ways able to com­mu­ni­cate can­did­ly with their par­ents. That’s why it’s im­por­tant for par­ents to ap­proach the top­ic and open­ly speak to their chil­dren about stress. Ask them what is dri­ving them to take on so much. Do they think they are wor­thy enough? Are they try­ing to please you? Are they try­ing to keep up with their peers? Are they tak­ing the ar­gu­ments be­tween mom and dad to heart?

Teenagers are of­ten fear­ful about the un­known. Most of all, they’re afraid to fail. They’re afraid to dis­ap­point their par­ents. They’re wor­ried about not be­ing enough. Find out if your teen has some­thing spe­cif­ic that’s at the base of their fear. When you can un­der­stand the root cause of their anx­i­ety, you can lov­ing­ly soothe their fears and guide them to­ward a so­lu­tion.

As par­ents, you need to man­age your ex­pec­ta­tions as well. When speak­ing to your teen, do you place un­war­rant­ed pres­sure on them? Every par­ent wants their child to suc­ceed, but we some­times ex­press this de­sire in ways that are ac­tu­al­ly harm­ful to their men­tal health. Fo­cus on­ly on what you and your teen can con­trol. Set an ac­tion plan with your child in terms of fu­ture growth, and ask them what they want to achieve, but don’t place sky-high ex­pec­ta­tions on them. For in­stance, if your child is tal­ent­ed in the sci­ences but al­so en­joys a more cre­ative field like writ­ing, it can be tempt­ing to dis­cuss your dreams of them be­com­ing a doc­tor or an en­gi­neer. You’re try­ing to steer them to­ward a re­spectable, prof­itable pro­fes­sion, but if your child re­al­ly wants to be a teacher or jour­nal­ist, you might be putting un­war­rant­ed pres­sure on them. The more you pres­sure your child to act a cer­tain way, the less com­fort­able they’ll be in com­ing to you when they do en­counter prob­lems. Know this: “Stress is the achiev­er’s word for fear.”

Some­times, nor­mal stres­sors in your child’s life can be in­ten­si­fied by a poor di­et and ex­er­cise rou­tine. Is your teenag­er liv­ing off of piz­za and dou­bles? Does your child reg­u­lar­ly drink down on a two-litre soft drink? Or feast on sug­ary snacks? Chil­dren need prop­er nu­tri­tion, just like adults. The same is true with ex­er­cise. Don’t as­sume your teenag­er is get­ting all the nec­es­sary ex­er­cise they need at school. By en­sur­ing your child is eat­ing and ex­er­cis­ing prop­er­ly, they’ll not on­ly feel bet­ter, but they’ll re­lieve teen stress, gain en­dor­phins and be able to cre­ate a health­i­er sleep cy­cle.

On top of deal­ing with school, look­ing to­ward the fu­ture and par­tic­i­pat­ing in ex­tracur­ric­u­lar ac­tiv­i­ties, your child is in­volved in a slew of so­cial ac­tiv­i­ties. This can ei­ther ben­e­fit your child im­mense­ly or stress them out. There are a lot of so­ci­etal pres­sures on teenagers; check in with your child to see if they’re hav­ing is­sues with bul­ly­ing, be­ing pres­sured in­to ex­per­i­ment­ing with sub­stances or are hav­ing un­safe re­la­tion­ships on­line. So­cial me­dia is an added lay­er of pres­sure for teens these days. When teens and adult in­flu­encers are able to high­light the best por­tions of their lives on so­cial me­dia, their peers can of­ten feel in­ad­e­quate in com­par­i­son.

Every­one deals with stress to some de­gree, but if your teenag­er is be­ing neg­a­tive­ly af­fect­ed, it’s time to take ac­tion. Al­ways let your child know that you have their best in­ter­est at heart, and that it’s al­right for them to come to you with any prob­lems they face.

Teach them that “the re­al joy in life comes from find­ing your true pur­pose and align­ing it with what you do every sin­gle day.” Don’t let your teen be­come bogged down on the things that don’t mat­ter, like so­cial me­dia or anx­i­eties about the past. En­cour­age them to fo­cus on what re­al­ly mat­ters to them and they’ll be able to ex­ist in a pro­duc­tive, joy­ful state.

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Dis­claimer: The in­for­ma­tion pro­vid­ed in this ar­ti­cle is not in­tend­ed and should not be con­strued as med­ical ad­vice, nor is the in­for­ma­tion a sub­sti­tute for pro­fes­sion­al med­ical ex­per­tise or treat­ment.